RusAme GerIta Krack! Read it liek ugghh!
by walrusthebabyeater
Summary: Happy belated valentines day! This is a story I did with BeautifullyXFlawed. CRACK! LOTS OF CRACK! remember kiddies do your school, stay off of sleep, drink your homework and do eight hours of drugs!


A special world meeting held today in the city of love, Paris France. Today is valentines day!

...okay a few days after valentines day. I mean with the time zone differences and China's flight delay this was the closet date they could get.

France: Okay everyone pass out your valentine, it is time to get the loving on.

Everyone starts dropping off their Valentines day cards. Germany dropped into the box some cards with some sweets you know the usual boring German stuff. Japan dropped off varies boxes of pocky from his country; Belgium put in some waffles then skipped off to her seat happily. Then Russia strolled along with tiny bottles of vodka in his arms, one had a sunflower strap to it.

Germany: Russia no Vodka! You know how England gets when he drinks!

The countries all have a horrible flashback of England on a table dancing and screeching bad 80s music in his bartender uniform. Everyone in the room cringes at the thought, just like I'm sure you readers are now.

Russia: What do you mean no vodka, Netherlands brought weed.

Netherlands just shrugged then grabbed the small bags of weed and put it back into his pocket. America then stood up and smiled his heroic smile before yelling and bursting everyone ear drums.

America: Since I'm the hero I made everyone very awesome personal valentine cards that I'm going pass out one by one!

Several groans can be heard throughout the board room as America stood up with a huge box of Valentines day cards. Seriously this is going to take forever, you know how many countries there are. Like a lot. So then America starts giving out his cards, so like fifteen minutes later everyone receive their cards. That when a sad moe face can be seen in the sea of countries, it belong to Russia noooo.

Russia: Guys I believe I have been what you say "comrade-zoned"

Spain: Aww what does it say Russia?

Russia sniffs and tries to hold back tears as he reads out.

Russia: ha you get no Valentine you Commie Bastard.

Then Italy bounced up with his curl bouncing on his head with it shape in a heart because he and Germany like totally weren't just making out in the corner for like twenty minutes. * cough * author is a Gerita fangirl * cough *

Italy: Ve! Don't worry Russia, you can have America's Valentine. He doesn't need the extra sweets anyway he is getting kind of fat.

America: Italy you fucking asshole! I'm just a little fluffy!

England: Well America are gaining a little more than usual since you started watching that stupid cartoon.

America: Shut up England! It's anime, you need to get your facts straight just as badly as your teeth. Seriously man get a dental plan!

France: Ohonhonhonhonhon~

England: Shut up you big fur ball, seriously you have way to much body hair you damn frog.

France: Oh now your gonna make fun of body hair. Well I find body hair attractive just ask Turkey.

Turkey: Leave me out of this, go make fun of the crazy cat lady over there.

Turkey then pointed over to a sleeping Greece in the corner who flip him off in his sleep.

Poland: Guys like totally stop like fighting, you gonna upset Lithuania

Romano: Shut up Poland, I'm surprise you were even smart enough to dress yourself today.

Then all the countries start to stereotype each other in their arguments while Prussia starts to stare at Italy like a fat person stares at a piece of chocolate cake. With the song Hold on we're going home by Drake playing in his head.

Prussia: I got my eyes on you~

Italy: Ah! PleasedotarapemeI'mmaavirginandaitwillbelikebloodyamurdersexandawhatisthecleaningladygonnathinkwhenshehastocleanitallupandwemightgetstdsliekFrancypantsanda and MERDA!* doitsu help me

Germany pulls Italy close and glares at Prussia

Germany: Nien bruder! Dat booty is mein!

England got into the vodka and attempted to put busby's chair into the valentines box. He did and squished all the tomatoes Spain put in there and all the countries had to leave while the poor cleaning lady had to come in. like seriously they are countries and they cant clean up after themselves! She would much rather be spending time with her side dick before her lame ass, middle aged, fat, balding husband gets home. If she had just married that rich sugar daddy like she wanted she wouldn't have to be busting her ass cleaning up after these goddamn countries! Shit we got sidetracked back to the story everyone sorry

After the meeting Russia was walking all sad since he was comrade-zoned by America. That's when he felt a tap on his shoulder and turned around to see a blushing America.

America: Here you damn Commie, this is your real commie valentine commie!

Russia: thank you Fredka and here is your gift

Then Russia pulled out a huge ass hamburger from his pocket with a huge smile on his huge damn commie face.

America: Holy shiznits and derpy Batman! How you fit that huge ass hamburger in your pocket.

Russia: easy Siberia, there like nothing up there.

Then America blushed brightly and moved closer to Russia while looking down.

America: dude I like totally love you!

Russia: Really! Then become one with me da?

Then they look at each other intensely like the start of some epic ninja battle, Then they pulled each other close and started making out. AND. IT. WAS. SMEXY!

Russia: Fredka, lets do it on the burger

America: HELLZ YEAH SON!

Then they frickle fackle on the burger while Japan recorded it and put it on tumblr the end

*why did you look here neither of us speak Italian us google translate! :P

**A/N Okay this story was created by me and BeautifullyXFlawed based on this vine watch?v=0WN60GMBTkE happy belated ass Valentines now please dark lord Himepapa and review, favorite or follow. Requests are welcome! Request stuff dammit we are lonely and this is what happens when we have nothing to write! Dont make us weeaboo! :D**


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